Risen from a 20 day break and alive

To my avid 2 readers I apologize for the long delay. Today I felt like waking up from my long 20 day nap of letting my thoughts and feelings wander through outer space. They needed a breath of fresh air so to speak.

Ahh the holidays some of us dread the season and some start counting the days as soon as the turkey is finally laid to rest. 360 more days till the next Santa visit right? Well I fall somewhere in between. Christmas seems to be a time that I love to look forward to but once I am in the think of it I go anxiety crazy!! I know why, but at this time do not wish to divulge what happens behind the therapist door right now. But I survived the first 2/3rds of the holiday season.

I secretly would say that New Years is my favorite holiday. Why? Well I can usually pick what I want to do, do I want to cuddly up with a blanket and my husband and eat lots of fried food and watch the ball drop, or do I want to go out with friends, throw my own party, or well one year I even went to sleep at 9pm that night (but for those who laughed I was just as sick as my friend Midwestern - See her latest entry to know just how sick that is). So yes, New Years, a time for new beginnings, a time for celebrating you survived both sets of parents, a time to do whatever you want and a full day off of work to recover! Thank you for making a year only 365 days because well any longer and I might just not survive.

Things are going alright for me though. I'm currently contemplating wanting a baby. Half of me can't wait, but the other half is selfish. Giving up my Saturday morning sleep in times I don't know if I can handle it. I'm already in therapy now! Giving my my saturdays may just put me over. I figured I'll wait a little longer, pour out my love on my two nephews (one biological and one adopted - best friend's child).

My husband and I are slowly rebuilding everything that was lost. It's a hard fact of life that once trust and respect have disappeared it sucks to look down the infamously long road of recovery. It reminds me of the stories our grandparents always joke about. You both (referring to my 2 readers) know the ones: "we had to walk up hill both ways to school in the snow with no shoes" Well now I know how they feel. Surviving what I've gone through was walking up a hill feeling like you were about to fall of a cliff to your fate, and then repairing is walking up a hill as well.

The one thing I know is that I'm okay with walking up that hill as long as my husband is walking up it too.

Not much else to say..... So here's to a new year, new beginnings, and a huge hill to walk up. If you see me just wave and encourage me to keep walking. May there never be a down hill day because that is the day that hope stops living in me!